It’s been a weird few months hasn’t it? Globally and nationally, obviously, but for many of us personally too. Certainly has for me.
On March 16th I went into my employer’s office in Birmingham, little suspecting that it would be the last time I ever did. The following day, all who could were working from home and shortly after that, the country went into full lockdown. Pay cuts followed pretty soon afterwards and by mid April, I was put on furlough from work.
Something in me knew at the start of furlough that life was never going to be the same again. The time to step back and think, to imagine what the future might look like, was valuable. The long-dormant urge to work for myself resurfaced again with a vengeance and I spent days and days (and nights) piling my energy into dreaming and planning.
Three weeks ago, a number of us were told that our jobs were at risk. Two of us were pooled for one similar role – my colleague did not want to leave and (being honest with myself) I didn’t want to go back. I steeled myself, applied for and was granted voluntary redundancy. So on 31st July, for the first time in 24 years, I will not longer be employed. After 13 years with one company, I’ll never go back to the office as a member of the team and won’t see a lot of good friends and colleagues nearly so often. Some, never again.
That my friends is a lot of change all in the space of a few months.
I have never feared change, least of all in the context of work. I love the new things which emerge, even if I don’t always revel in some of the interstitial chaos which might ensue. I tend to shrug things off when they happen, trusting that eventually everything will work out for the best. It generally does. However, that means that changes tends to catch up on me some time afterwards, all at once and all of a sudden. That’s exactly the place I’ve found myself in over the last few days. My mood drops through the floor. Good habits drop off the radar. Bad habits take their place.
The only remedy is time away for some self-care. Time to reconnect with my faith, to rediscover the things that I like to do. To love number one for a change so that I’m in better shape to love those close to me. I need a holiday. So, as best I can over the next few days, I’m going to step back from social media. Put all of the “shoulds” and “need tos” on the back-burner and rest a while.
I won’t be going far and will, I’m sure, come back stronger.
Much love x