Empathy

There’s a fact about the human condition which explains a lot about the ways we often interact. When I do something, I understand my reasons for doing it – all of the reasons, emotions and back-story to whatever that act is. When someone else does something though, we have none of that context. All that we see is their outward behaviour.

This leads us to judge people’s actions differently than we do our own.

When I take a chance driving in traffic and pull out at the last minute, it might be because I’m late for an important meeting or to collect one of my kids from somewhere. When someone else does the same thing, I’ll often just think they’re being an arsehole. Yet they may have exactly the same reasons as me, or much more valid ones. I rarely stop to think whether they do or not.

We all do this. All of us. Whether on the micro scale of the example I’ve just given, thinking about larger groups of people we find ourselves in opposition to or even on a national or international level. We judge ourselves based on information and nuance, we judge others purely on outward appearances. We often walk around in our own little self-absorbed bubbles, working over every tiny aspect of our own situation. Other people around us are just inconveniently sentient scenery.

What we all need a little more of is empathy.

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s situation. To consider what is happening from their perspective and not your own. It’s the root of the famous expression “Before you criticise someone else, walk a mile in their shoes.” Only by trying to think through another person’s situation and motivation can we really understand their actions. Some people can do this relatively naturally whereas for others among us it’s more of an effort.

It’s not too hard to be a little better at empathy though. We just have to think of other people more kindly. To be less quick to judge and to actually wonder about their motivations. And then we can act accordingly. In a way that maybe makes the situation better, or at least not worse.

For example:

When you’re in a long queue in the supermarket and an elderly person is holding up the line by talking ad nauseum to the cashier. OK it’s delaying you a little, but that may well be the only conversation a lonely, old person has had that day. Or perhaps all week. Use the opportunity to practice being a little more patient. There aren’t many among us who don’t need this!

Or when you reach the front of the same queue and the cashier is abrupt with you. Sure we expect better, but maybe that person has spent all day dealing with ungrateful and often rude customers. When was the last time someone actually thanked them (and meant it) or told them that they’re doing a good job? Maybe try a kind word and see what happens?

It doesn’t take a lot more thought to realise what a kinder and happier world we’d live in if we all practiced a little more empathy from time to time. OK, none of us is going to change the whole world by our actions alone. But if each of us made our little corner of it just a little better, imagine what that might all add up to.

And where’s the harm in trying?

Photo by Jacek Dylag on Unsplash